Murder on The Dancefloor
by French Affair
Summary: MWAHAHAHA! PH33R THE PEEING KUJAH MAEN! What happens when lint and parquet collide? A dance contest dedicated to Cloud, that's what!
1. Default Chapter

**Murder on the Dancefloor** _by_ **French Affair**  
  
_**H**i! This is my second story, and this one is a funny one. I hope and pray. Anyway, laugh, cry, sing, dance, do whatever while you're reading it. Just read it, for losh sakes! I don't own Kingdom Hearts, any FF characters, or Sophie Ellis-Bextor, or Murder on the Dancefloor._  
  
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+  
  
In the beginning, there was Cloud. Nothing but Cloud, his head and an enormous parquet dancefloor within. Many believed Cloud started the dancing phenomenon, others believed he started the parquet floor phenomenon. In fact, he started both. His left peanut and right peanut...sorry...left brain lobe and right brain lobe started moving rhythmically to Cloud's snoring. This formed the basis for what we call today, _dancing_.  
  
*cheers go out in the audience*  
  
That's why we're here today, for the 159th Cloud Strife Dance Contest! Courtesy of Wild Woman Records and Bophie Sllis-Eextor, and her hit song, Durder Tn Ohe Mancefloor! Contestants, take your places!  
  
*Kuja, Beatrix and Kairi take their places, as duly instructed. Kairi professionally stretches, Beatrix fluffs her hair and Kuja pees on the field like in that Mastercard picture*  
  
On your marks...get set...*music starts* DANCE!  
  
*kairi trips up a few times, eliciting overly hysterical laughter from Tifa, Beatrix pro-dances and Kuja pees on the field like in that Mastercard picture*  
  
Thank you, come again! *grabs Kairi and Beatrix and throws them into the Mud pit, where they instantly start mud-wrestling and all the guys lose attention, and so do a lot of women*  
  
*Kuja cackles while he keeps on peeing*  
  
*the dancefloor starts to sag*  
  
BEATRIX: It's gonna blow! *runs out screaming and leaving dirty great mudprints on the floor*  
  
KUJA: *continues*  
  
KAIRI: Nyoooo...*drowns in mud, which is surprisingly hard to actually do*  
  
*drags Kuja away to be decontaminated*  
  
+-+-+-+-+-+-+

_How was it? Review! REVIEW! Review..._

**Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster coming soon!**  
ULTIMECIA: He means Chapter 2... 


	2. Attack of Heartless Spice!

**Murder on the Dancefloor _(Chapter 2)_** by _French Affair_

_Welcome back to chapter 2! ^_^ This is disturbing...and if you didn't get the mastercard thing, it's this photo of a guy who looks like he's stretching, but is also urinating, and an amusing caption accompanies it. Anyway, remember to review! Oh, and I'm taking a new approach with this chapter...I'm not responsible for what happens to Sephiroth, he may land in conveniently-placed toilets and lingerie parties. -_-_

_+-+-+-+-+-+_

We're back, after the last debacle...

_*camera shows beatrix, kairi and kuja all sitting being lectured by a policeman before kuja turns into a cream puff and chews his head off. beatrix and kairi looked momentarily shocked before beatrix's body degenerates into a bowl of ice cream and kairi's forehead swells up until custard and maple syrup fly out her ears. all that can be heard is the sound of custardly maple syrup filling up the room, and beatrix comforting the swollen kairi, who is crying that kuja is now much creamier than her, and beatrix's ice creamy body is slowly melting, but then a handy kylie minogue bottom eats them*_

Now, we're back...from outer space...I just walked in to find you here with just that look upon yer face-*is hit by an umbridge caramel tart* Ok. So our new contestants are...

**Ultimecia!  
Lulu!  
Sephiroth! **

_*they take their places. ultimecia sharpens her hair, lulu takes off her skirt, and sephy practices the moonwalk and solo-salsa*_

_*in the background: SORA: mmm...salsa...*eats sephy* EVERYONE: O_O -_- O_O*_

O...k...so Sephiroth is out of the contest...anyone to take his place?

_*ansem dressed as ginger spice steps up*_

O_O Um...ok! *puts on Eette Bavis Dyes by Pwenyth Galtrow*

_*ansem dances like a night-club girl, lulu trips and ultimecia's hair becomes convenient chocolate bars, the two judges become bunny rabbits...and well...let's say that there are a **lot** more judges, ansem becomes a manic dancer, running around dancing in laps and glasses of bunny rabbits and he finishes up by doing the solo-salsa, but manages to stop before sora devours him*_

*sigh* Ok...Ansem, you're going on to the next round.

__


End file.
